Things I would tell my 19 year old self...

In twenty years I will be pushing 60 years old.  60.  Seriously. Things like retirement, and grand babies and whatever a 60 something person thinks about will be the present, not a someday when I am getting older kind of thing.  What will be my focus?    I don't know.

 My oldest with be almost exactly the age I am now, which I am not ashamed to say will be 39 in April.  Not ashamed to say it is one thing, but I am astonished it hit so fast.  That is the gospel truth.

In twenty years Savannah will be 35, Colton 32, and my baby...she'll be 26.  All adults, hopefully all done with college and their lives will be full of promise, love, and maybe a kid or two sprinkled in there somewhere.

Why does time just RUSH by the older I am.  Is it just me?  In twenty years will I look back and just be astonished even more so with my foolish 39 year old self than I am now looking back at myself at 19?

Turning 19 was hard on me.  I don't remember why, but I do remember saying that to people.  If I could send myself a message to my self at that age what would I say?

1.  Be nice to your sister.  Right now you kinda hate each other, someday she will be your best friend and closest ally in life and dreams.  All of a sudden one day your age difference won't matter anymore because you are sisters, both battling the joy and pains of motherhood, wifedom, and trying to navigate a family into the future.  She will know things about you than not another person on earth knows and you will be able to trust her with that.  It's kinda a big deal, don't blow it.

2.  Don't let other's opions of themselves belittle you in your own eyes.  There are so many people in this world that both knowingly and not make a habit of making others look stupid, or insignificant, or just not as pretty.  Their purpose is to make themselves look better than others around them.  They are insecure, and do not value you.  Stand up and be confident, own who you are.

3.  Go see your Grandma.  You will spend time with her as she gets older, and you will be lucky to be in her life in her last years, days, and moments.  But there could have been a better relationship there.  You should know better than to take her for granted, because you lost three grandparents in 11 months when just a toddler.

4.  Don't let people mock your talents.  Develop them.  You are NOT an underwater basket weaver.  Not everyone was born to do the same things.  You are NOT a mathematician and it is ok that you need a calculator.  Nurture your talents.  You will miss them if you don't.  Being a crafty artsy fartsy doesn't make you less accomplished, it just makes you different.  Continue to refine your appreciation for art and the creative world.  There will be days that it will be your only company.

5.  Stop bleaching your hair, and perming it to death.  The blond makes you look washed out and pink and weird in pictures, and the perm just is...bad. 

6.  It is NOT more important to take J.Badowski his check book than just miss that ONE little class in college.  It will turn out to be a surprise review for  a 2 hour final that will make or break your grade.  With out that review, it will break.

7. When you make mistakes, and you will.  We all do.  There is no getting around it.  Allow yourself to feel bad about it, and learn from it, but then pull yourself up by your boot straps and hold your chin high and get on with life.  You will have others around you that will never be able to forget the things they would like to point out as erroneous, but they are your mistakes, not theirs.  If you have repented, and found forgiveness from your God, then another person holding onto your mistakes is no longer your problem.  There will be people that you will come in contact with that will see you for who you are not who you were, and that will be something to hold onto.

8.  Learn to take care of yourself.  Your body only lasts so long, and you will look back and think that the body you have now and are so consumed with hating isn't so bad, actually you will realize that you had it pretty good.

9. Organize your life, learn how to live so the messes of life don't turn into monumental tasks, rather daily maintenance.

10.  Learn to practice the fundamentals of your religion.  Pray.  Read your scriptures, and write meaningful things in your journal.  It is awkward trying to learn to do that as an adult.  There really is something to the phrase "being as teachable as a child".